Im at strip club and am horny
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
