I am midnight drunk by noon
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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