He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
