WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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