:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The beer is more important than you right now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
