Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
