I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is Oprah even human
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
