george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
