Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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