I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
