I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
