Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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