Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
