I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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