No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
