WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
