So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
