When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
