I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
