the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
