so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
