you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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