I intend to get homeless drunk
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
