I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
