Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
