I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
