Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
