I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
