I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
