some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your penis caused this!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
