Soap is not a condiment
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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