he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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