Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
