Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
