I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
