You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
