As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I believe in your delicious
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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