I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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