He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
