Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
