FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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