just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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