God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
