Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
