Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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