I think I died a long time ago.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
