I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
