Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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