dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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