you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
