well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
